A couple of months ago I shared a post about performance anxiety and preparation written by Adrian Oceguera. Since then, Adrian performed his first leading role, Dr Frederick Frankenstein in TAA's "Young Frankenstein." Continuing to use meticulous preparation to combat any anxiety, these are Adrian's thoughts on preparing for that highly coveted first lead!
How I did it.... by Victor Frankenstein
But really, it's actually by Frederick Frankenstein, or preferably, Fronken-steen!!
A few months ago, I was blessed to to have been asked to perform as Dr.
Frederick Frankenstein in the Theater Arts Alliance's production of the
musical, Young Frankenstein. If you don't know, that is the lead part
in a hilarious, raunchy comedy from the beloved Mel Brooks. For me, this
was my first lead role, and while I was thrilled at the opportunity, if
you read my post from a while back on anxiety, you might guess that
with all the excitement, there was also an extreme amount of terror.
So I'd like to tell you a little about how I prepared for the part, and
how I adjusted myself to live in the moment. I don't want you to really
think of this as advice though. A close friend of mine reminded me
that, "there's lots of good role prep advice out there from people that
have done many many many [shows]". So instead, I'd like to give you my
perspective as a first time lead, and what I went through on my journey
through Transylvania Heights.
When I first got the notice, you
could only imagine how shocked I was. I even let out a little "manly"
squeal! Having done this show before *oops forgot to mention that
sooner*, I was honestly floored at the opportunity to portray this
amazing character, but then it sank in... how was I supposed to memorize
those lines? What if I forgot the words to my song on stage? Is my
laugh maniacal enough?
Let me let you in on a not so hidden
secret... all those things happened, and I'm still here writing this, so
obviously, I survived. Let's work backwards a little bit. There are a
few things that I found to be essential while preparing for this role,
and maybe some of it will make sense for you as well.
First, and
probably the most universal and obvious, is hard work. This one applies
to everyone in every cast. WORK Hard! If you aren't convinced that you
are the hardest working person in a cast, then you're not doing it
right. Now, that statement is extremely subjective, and it's supposed to
be. Be the hardest working person doesn't mean anything specifically to
anyone, but rather is meant to be a reminder that you were chosen
because someone genuinely believed that you would make a positive
difference in their production, and even more, that you were a person
that they wanted to be around for long periods of time, because let's
face it, rehearsal schedules are often by-products of the fires of hell.
Anyways.... work hard.
Next, always trust and believe. No... not
in yourself! So SELFISH! Just kidding. Yes, of course you should always
believe in yourself, but more importantly, you need to believe in those
around you. Believe that your director is making the choices they do
with your best interest at
heart, and trust that your cast mates will be
there when you fall. I say this, because undoubtedly you will question a
decision, and undoubtedly you will fall. The whole situation comes down
to not how you fall, but how you recover. Plenty of times during this
production did I find myself stretching for a line when on stage or
trying to remember what the next blocking scene was. Every time... EVERY
SINGLE TIME... one of my cast mates was there to catch me. I remember
one instance in particular, where I'm supposed to act as if I'm walking
off stage, but then I'm supposed to revert back and choke a large
creature. Well, I didn't. Instead, I thought it would be a nice time to
wander off stage and immediately I ran into a wall of cast mates
silently choking themselves and mouthing "you son of a b*tch,
b%stard"(my lines). So naturally I ran back on stage and the scene went
off without a hitch. Kinda. Point is, trust in everyone around you,
because nobody wants you to succeed more than them.
Finally, make
decisions. I was chosen to play this character, a living breathing
entity that's supposed to have a mind of it's own. When playing
Frederick, I decided to do the show with as close as I could get to Gene
Wilder's voice. While some may say that I should have put my own spin
on it, I'd argue that including the voice WAS me putting my own spin on
it. I made the conscious decision to include it. Nobody told me to, and
honestly I felt more comfortable doing the scenes with that voice than
my own. Be devoted to what you want people to see and hear. Sure, you
may get suggestions, or down right "change that because it's not
working"(s), but when given the freedom, take the time to think about
what character you're putting off, and if you don't like it, change it.
Well, there you go! I totally got more lecture-y than I wanted to, but
that was my preparation in a nutshell. I went over my lines countless
times, I found comfort and solace knowing that I had so much talent
around me, and I made decisions about what I wanted to be on stage. One
of the best facets about doing so many shows and playing so many
characters is the everlasting opportunity to grow. If every single role
you got was a tribute to being better than the last, you will be
[mostly] unstoppable. Take the time to improve yourself, and your craft.
You're totally worth it!
P.S.- Don't be a jerk, go to strike!
Adrian's next role is LeFou in TAA's Beauty and the Beast -- looking forward to it! :)
This is a beautiful missive, and I'm privileged not only to gain permission to share it but to know and work with Adrian. And as an FYI -- he does tend to be one of my most dedicated and prepared students and cast members! He practices what he's preaching!
I wanted to open up about something that many of you will probably
understand and have gone through in your life, and maybe some of the
things I've learned can help you.
As many of you know, I've been
playing in bands and have been extremely involved in theater the last
couple of years, and more recently have been taking voice lessons. It's
fun, but that's not the point.
Anyone who knows me, knows I
pretty much have always strived to be the center of attention. No
beating around the bush, but I try not to be a jerk about it most of the
time. In these moments, I was pretty much like a fish IN water. It just
came naturally for me to perform in front of people.
Well
lately starting in about September, I've been suffering from extreme
anxiety with performances. Doesn't matter if I'm giving a 30 second
speech or if I'm in a 3 hour musical, I feel it. My stomach turns into
knots, my muscles tense up, my heart is racing a thousand beats a
minute. One time, I tensed up so bad and that I couldn't sleep and my
neck was stiff for 3 days after, and that was for one of those 30 sec
speeches.
Feeling nervous is one thing, feeling actual pain is
another. So I got scared. I went to a psychologist and had a session
just discussing my newfound friend, anxiety.
Here's what I learned:
1. Anxiety is a natural reaction that occurs in everyone at some point
in time. It's the bodies' overproduction of adrenaline and reaction to a
stressful situation.
When your body gets stressed, it puts
itself into a state that is ready to either fight or run. (Fight or
Flight) by recognizing this, and making a conscientious decision to
fight versus fly, I am able to think rationally through my anxiety
spells. Also, finding processes to expel some of that excess adrenaline
(like walking up and down stairs) helps as well. At least for me, maybe
for you too.
2. This anxiety, for me, isn't a negative reaction
to a situation. From what me and my doc could figure out, I'm having
these attacks now versus earlier in life, simply because I care more now
than I did back then. In previous experiences, it was a fun escape
from... Well from nothing really, if we're being honest here. It was
just fun. NOW, I care how I sound. I care how I portray a character. I'm
finally giving my art the respect it deserves and in return I get this
anxiety as a by-product. Awesome right?
3. Preparation is your
friend. We are sometimes warned that over rehearsing and over prep can
be harmful to our acting and singing, because we sometimes lose that
"spur-of-the-moment" intricacies that make what we do fun. We are often
told to be careful to not lose our emotional conveyance by becoming
stale with repetitive rehearsing, but as a person with anxiety, this
prep can be an ally you won't want to sacrifice. Sure, you may become a
bit more rehearsed than others, and your lines may come across that way,
but work harder. Get past the "my lines are memorized and I'll never
mess them up" and get to a point that most dream of and that's the "not
only will I not forget my lines, but all my emotions are well rehearsed
as well and I'm gonna make everybody cry" maybe not that far, but what
I'm TRYING to get at is this:
"A LINE SAID THAT SOUNDS OVER REHEARSED IS BETTER THAN A LINE NOT SAID AT ALL"
Maybe number three applies only to me, because dropping a line is
definitely my number one fear, thus source of anxiety, but who cares.
This is my post :)
So this is what I've learned and with the support systems that I have
in family (mainly Anysah since she's the only one that knows... Oh hi
everybody else!), And friends like Chavaleh, Lim, Nicolette, Juan, Bryan and others who are consistently pushing me to be better, I know I'll be fine.
"I will not go quietly into the night!" I will not vanish without a
fight! Im going to live on! I'm going to survive! Today I celebrate my
Independence Day!
